Phase 2

I got accepted to the Academy of Arts in San Francisco to work on my MFA in Advertising. School starts in September. Im scared shitless and excited as all hell. It can't wait to start classes. Its going to make me poor but its totally worth it. I hated undergraduate studies and it is nice to be excited about going back to school for something i am interested in.

I register for classes tomorrow - strategic thinking, art direction, and copywriting. so good, so good.

i need a vacation

no need to ask questions, i know the answer. who hasnt had the feeling of wanting to be somewhere else. not perminantly or temporarly but for the moment somewhere else just sounds nice.

i've be unemployeed for two weeks tomorrow and it is a rather desperate feeling. quite boring actually. i enjoy waking up and walking to the coffee shop to look for jobs but i hate knowing i dont have a pay check coming and I cant make any plans until i get a job.

recently and quite often i feel scattered. its hard for my brain to focus on anything. its not that things are good and bad but i think at this point I would like one extreme or another. im beginning to slip into that place where you dont feel much at all. whether bad or good, its emotions that give meaning to things and make you feel "alive" instead of just "a live." and i guess this is what i want.



there are many things i am waiting for.

-grad school acceptance
-the job at FOX40
-a job in general
-2 interviews in san francisco
-moving into a new place with two rooms
-getting out of my lease

eventually something has to fall in line. one or two of these things have to happen and then the rest of the list will begin to fall into place. waiting sucks. waiting for my coffee, waiting for a job, its the same kind of impatient fustration. but there is not much more one can do but wait.

the future is yours to own

its been a crazy past few weeks. but i just applied for grad school in the fall. keep your fingers crossed.

the struggle

i write this knowning that when i finish i will stand up and walk to the bank to deposit my last pay check. there is something in that that is scary and final. i've been unemployed for three days and am hating every moment of it. it couldn't have been a worse week to be looking for a job thanks to the fourth of july. its like a three day set back and hopefully tomorrow will have a better out look. im not holding my breath.

i looked at other job options today. those "not options" until i have no luck finding a salary job. the coffee shop, waitress, work at the limited type jobs. and the fact that i even have to consider "those" jobs options scares the shit out of me and makes me want to cry.

looking for a job, any job sucks. the process of checking your email thirty times a day and sitting in the same coffee shop chair that leads to back aches sucks. perhaps i am supposed to imbrace this process, value my time sitting next to a window, but i dont feel that way. its not the lack of money, or the lack of ability to spend it, but its the instability, the not knowning. if i was told i will have a job in 3 weeks i would be okay. i'd spend no money, survive and have the peace of knowning i will soon be employeed. but the unknown leads to fear and uncertianity and a slight overtone of hopelessness.

i would like one interview. just one. a little spark. the search continues.

feeling a little like this:

so i thought friday was a good day until three o'clock rolled around and the world seemed to shift just enough and in the end i think i got fucked pretty good. i was called into human resources and let go. current status = unemployed. logicly one goes I'll find a new job it will be okay. But last time i checked i live in sacramento and the average job postings for marketing related positions amount to maybe 10 a week. that of which maybe 3 pay more than 11 dollars an hour which is crap. Who the hell lives on 11 dollars an hour, or 12, or 13. last time i checked i went to college for a reason. to get paid more that the people working at starbucks.

Anyways, spent the weekend considering my options aside from the obvious get a job to pay my bills. The options are as follows.

Option 1. Find a job in San Francisco. there are probably 10 postings a day, all of which pay between 35,000 - 48,000. I've only been out of college a year and i'd like to land 40,000 but i think i could survive on 38,000 if necessary. this also means i have to figure out how to get out of my 1 year lease, find a place to live, and move there.

Option 2. take the first job i get in sacramento, even if it is 11 dollars and atleast i will be able to pay my bills and eat. but not much more than that. and i would start the process of working my way up the latter at a job I probably will have no desire to stay at seeing that my field of choice is magazine marketing or advertising and sacramento doesn't offer much for that. If something does pop up in my area of interest of course I would take it but i wouldnt be counting on it(especially seeing that the Sacramento News and Review pay something like 13 dollars an hour to graphic designers which is a joke).

3. go back to school. San Francisco College of the Art. Master of Arts in Advertising. 3 year program = 48,000 dollars. student loans plus grandparents (if i am lucky) = 35,000 worth of debt, a masters degree, 3 years living in the city, a part time job, and some inspiration. But of course there is the debt, getting out of my lease, and finding a place to live.

At the moment I am considering the three. I've applied to jobs in Sacramento, San Francisco, and waiting to see how the job search looks at the end of the week. If by friday I don't feel good about how this is going, I think i might just call up the grandparents and see if they are will to help support me going back to school.

Needless to say, we'll see. Any suggestions.