The Compromise

It’s been a long past few weeks. Between packing, finding a new apartment, school starting soon, changing jobs, every day life, and the list goes on; all of it leaves me tired to say the least.

I spent Monday with my mom going shopping for new rugs and curtains for the new apartment in Seattle. I spent 6 hours with her, by far the longest amount of time she and I have had alone in probably two years. I could get into a lot of background information here, but that’s not the point. The important part is I love my mom, she’s my best friend, and we understand each other
.

As we were talking about me moving and all the changes coming in the next two weeks I made the comment that I think in life you end up compromising. As time goes on you compromise a little here, and then compromise a piece of yourself somewhere else. A little here, and more here, and by the time you’re 40 you’ve compromised yourself away.

We live in a world of compromises, it’s built that way. You can’t have everything, only some things. And so you give up everything for a few things. Because somewhere along the way you were told you have to work for the things you want. But each thing a person wants takes money, and making money take time. And so you spend all your time working and yet you are only able to buy two or three things, and you only have the weekends.

You want the big job and give up 2 hours of you day to the commute. And those two hours used to be spent at coffee shops, dinner with friends, listening to music, doing something other than driving.

You say you want the nice house so you give up the clothes, shoes, dinners out, going out for drinks to make the house payment.

You say you want children so you give up going out, spending time along, and being “in” a relationship to raise children.

For those few big things, you give up all the little things. Compromise.

My mom said something to me she’s never said before while having this conversation. She started crying and said she spent her life compromising and now at 58 years old she’s given up herself to compromises she made along the way. She look at me and said, “Don’t compromise, you don’t have to.” “Do my life of compromise justice by not compromising at all.”

My mom is working on getting herself back. Over the last year she’s finally decided it’s time. But I think most people don’t ever get it. They just continue compromising until there is nothing left to compromise. And from then on out, life means nothing because they have nothing left of themselves.

But for me the conversation meant a lot. I struggle with accepting how my mom lives and the amount of crap she puts up with. I hate watching how her concept of self worth pushes her to stay in crappy situations and deal with people who walk on her daily. My mom is 58 and I hope over the next few years she learns to stop compromising. To take everything she wants and strive to achieve not some of it but all of it. She’s more than able. And deserves the best.

And more so, the piece of that conversation that I have began to spin around in my head is the comment “Do my life justice by not compromising.” I think if there is anything I want it’s for my mom to believe she and her life are worth everything. And so the challenge for me is to not compromise. Not just for me, but for my mom.