step one:

i decided that perhaps i need some place to write my personal thoughts. And seeing that i am horrible at sitting down and writing, perhaps this with serve to keep record of my past days and years. with that said, i am a big fan of playing catch up otherwise known as the background information.

its been a rough week. two weeks. month. two months. to sum things up in one word: disappointing. two words: disappointing and unmotivating three words: disappointing and unmotivating and uninspired. its not that awful things have happen, its just that nothing in happening. i am surrounded by people who are just the same, unmotivatated and uninspired. But they are okay with it, they don't even notice it. in fact, they have been like this for the three years i have known most of them and nothing has changed.

i miss the strive for perfection, the passion to create, the desire to learn and grow and make something. i miss the people that felt the same way, that saw things "differently" that inspired me to see things differently.

its been 105 the last week. this makes it difficult to go outside, to be inspired by what is around you instead of the people. add that to the sinus infection i have and you'll find yourself in a rather stagnate place. and of course, this feeling has dragged on for days and days and weeks.

with that said, i have considered moving to san francisco. in fact, i probably will move there sometime soon (soon being when a job pops up). i had an interview on monday and am keeping my fingers cross but doubtful.

when you get to this place you say to yourself "i need something" when in fact that something is "change." either i will change, the situation will change, or my location will change, but change is something i'm hoping for and definatly looking into.